Rollover Protection Not Required

We couldn’t resist passing along this bit of fun from Headlines, a 1989 book of newspaper excerpts compiled by comedian Jay Leno:


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Suburban Legend: Shedding Your Tools

Nighttime police / Credit: ZiMuZu.tvGeorge Phillips was going to bed when his wife told him she noticed he’d left the light on in the shed. He opened the back door to shut the light but saw people in the shed, stealing his gear.

He phoned the police. “Is an intruder in your house?” they asked. He said no.

They replied that all patrols were busy—that he should simply lock his door, and an officer would be along when available. George hung up the phone, counted to thirty and phoned the police again.

“Hello,” said George, “I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don’t have to worry about them now. I’ve just shot them.” He hung up.

Within a minute, three police cars, an armed-response unit and an ambulance showed up at the Philips residence. They caught the burglars red-handed.

“I thought you said you shot them!” a policemen said to George.

George replied, “I thought you said nobody was available.”

Fortunately for George, if he ever existed, both and Mississippi’s Meridian Star (where the story was said to run) believe this story never occurred. Tool to Power recommends you invest in a good lock instead.  

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